Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Identity Crisis part 2

If you've not read part 1 of the identity crisis, catch it here.

As I told you here, I am studying the book of Esther at church. It is a Beth Moore study and so very good. As a result of the study, in the back of my mind, I have been asking myself, "Why am I here for such a time as this?" or more directly, "What is my purpose?" The very beginning of the study we are talking about beauty treatments and such and rest assured Beth does not rest on outer beauty, but if you are at least a little insecure like I am, then you are uncomfortable, because by golly, I would really like to be the "it" girl - the girl chosen to be the queen. Not only was Esther chosen by the king, but she was favored among the eunuch who prepared her and the rest of the women in the harem. She was indeed the popular one that John Locke and I so desperately want to be. If you need some background, see my post here about my struggles with loneliness and imitating the wrong things. However, I don't think Esther was really trying to win a popularity contest, she was simply being Esther!!

Some facts about Esther (just for your enjoyment):
  • she was an orphan
  • she was Jewish
  • she was raised by her cousin Mordecai (a man)
  • she was lovely to look at
  • she was favored by the eunuch who attended to the harem of women who were to be potentially selected as queen by Xerxes
  • when she was to go into the king she took only what the eunuch advised
  • she told no one in the harem, including the eunuch and the king, that she was orphaned and Jewish
There is no way that Esther could have known that she would have been chosen as the queen. But God designed the events in her life that lead up to her being chosen as the queen, and then eventually, she would play a pivotal part in saving the Jews in Persia. Her importance was not in her queenship, but in how God would use her to save his chosen people, the Jews, and in simply being Esther.

I can remember being in MasterLife sophomore year of college with Brooke, when her husband, Joey, was studying Romans, so they were essentially looking at it together and Brooke shared some of the more difficult passages with me and Beth. There was one passage, Romans 9:20-21, which says, "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Now I understand this passage, but after our discussion, I still did not want to be a wooden spoon if that's the object God created me to be. I really did not want to be made for COMMON USE! I really want to be made for noble purposes. I really want to be made of gold and be sitting in the tabernacle, if you know what I mean!

The problem is that I was not considering the fact that the wooden spoon may very well still be as valuable in the kingdom of God as is the items made of gold! Perhaps, if I would sit still and humbly accept who I am created to be, I would find joy in being myself and I would be found to be of great worth as Esther was and perhaps John Locke will be too.

(An aside for my Lost viewing readers: Don't dig too deep with John here. I don't like the Others, and yet John has been chosen to be their leader and I am guessing he will die to save many, therefore, playing a role of redemption. My main point is that he perhaps would have been chosen by the others earlier in his life had he been true to His design, yet, most likely he would not have been capable of being a leader had he not undergone the very struggles and obstacles that he faced through his own mistakes. I see the handiwork of God's sovereign design even though I have no idea how his storyline will play out. Locke like the rest of us does indeed have a special purpose.)

One thing I know for sure - God has guided me every step of my life even when I felt alone and misguided. In all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). And even though I feel lost in my own generation, I know God has placed me in this generation for a purpose!

Are you living the life God designed for you? And how are you made for such a time as this? I write all of these things to make you aware that God has intricately designed every detail of our lives, and sometimes even the things that seem insignificant and small, even what seems to be a hopeless, mistake-filled life is just a step on the path leading you to your purpose. We all struggle - mine currently is insecurity, yours may be homosexuality. Whatever the case may be, we die to self to allow Him to live in us and fulfill our destinies for Him and His glory.

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