My Fridge

I've never been known for having anything other than homework and hopefully a few blog posts now and then in decent order.  My fridge is no different.  You can check out my indecent fridge over at Tara's blog, In Decent Order.

Dad

Six years ago, my dad had a massive heartache and passed away suddenly. He was in New Orleans on a business trip at the time, and I was the first person from our family to find out what had happened to him. I was the one who talked to the doctor and then had to tell the rest of my family members. I don't really talk about my dad much on this blog out of respect for him and for others who are still grieving him. My college English teacher once told me that you cannot write about your parents until they have passed from this life into the next life because not until then can you fully be free to explore your thoughts and put them on paper.  I would suggest that you are never fully free to write about those closest to you unless you are ready to deal with the potential consequences.  I am not completely there.  But I wanted to try, so this is my attempt. Please if you are a family member, and it causes you pain, do not read this.

Before my dad passed on, I had never had someone close to me die. At the time, all of my grandparents were alive. Since then, my granny has passed. Death can be mysterious. Being a spiritual person, I had many questions for God - most of which could not be answered. Or they could be answered but God left them unanswered for me then and now. Whatever the answers are or were, they are no longer relevant because daddy is no longer here.  Because I had been hoping to see change in my dad's life, I spent more time grieving while my daddy was alive than after he died.  Through his death and in spite of the unanswered questions, I made peace with God.  His presence or the presence of angels were unmistakable during my dad's death.  God is faithful to those who love him, and that time was no different.

I miss my dad.  I wish my dad could see my sweet children.  I wonder what he would think about my mischievous son, my dreamy daughter, and my baby who looks so much like him.  Would he laugh at the crazy things they say?  Or would they drive him completely crazy?  My dad was well known for his temper - that would be no surprise to anyone that knew him, and little kids in restaurants were not his favorite things.  I wonder if my monsters would have been different.  Would he love that Speed Racer can be just as passionate with his emotions as he was?  Would he think that I was teaching him well?  Would he be proud of me as a mom?  I wish that I could hear his voice again, especially to sit next to him in church and hear him singing.  Perhaps, he sings in heaven.  He had a great voice.  I miss his hugs.  He had the most giant of all the hugs in the world.  And a laugh to swallow you whole.  He was an intelligent man.  I think he was mostly misunderstood and probably bored sometimes at what life had to offer.  But I loved to talk "smart talk" with him about the Bible and math.  I would like to think that I could give him plenty to think about were he still here now.  One of his passions was studying Revelations and trying to figure out the puzzle of it all - while we are still wondering, perhaps, he's seen the answer of what is to come.  As much as I miss my daddy, I no longer grieve my daddy.  I do not understand why he died so early.  And I get sad when I miss him, but I no  longer hold onto him.  I have let him pass from my hand here to God's hand in eternity.  His memory lives on in my heart and in the hearts of those who loved him.  I love you, dad.

Halloween

Our neighborhood stinks for trick or treating so we headed over to my friend Lindy's house. See a pic of our kids here.  The kids got two giant bag-fulls of candy.  I don't know what we will do with it all. 

I can't live without him

I had to write this one down before I forgot it:

The kids wanted to watch a pumpkin show this morning, so I let them watch the first half of the "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" again.

When we moved to the kitchen for breakfast these are the things I heard:

Princess: Momma, am I going to school today?
Me: Yes, sweetie.
Princess: Good, because I have to tell Collin I can't live without him.
Me: Oh, really.
Me wondering aloud: Did you just hear that on Charlie Brown?
Princess: No, but I have to tell him, it's gonna be great for my life.

A few minutes later, I am busting at the seams to tell Daniel, so I call him.

Me: Guess what your daughter just told me?
Daniel: I don't know what?
Me: She said she cannot live without Collin.
Princess (who was listening): I knew you guys were going to be laughing your heads off at me, but I had to tell you.
Daniel: Did she just say I knew you guys were going to be laughing your heads off?
Me, laughing my head off: Yes
Princess: I had to tell you anyway so you could understand me.
Daniel: That's great, she's trying to talk to you.

These are the things I love about my life. And this was huge as I have repeatedly told Princess she has to explain things to me so I can understand her. She hates anyone laughing at her, and she loves to hide in her shell (she's so much like me as a child), but she told us anyway.  She must have been listening somewhere along the way. Oh, how I love her - crush and all.

R. E. S. P. E. C. T.

Here is the rub with being a parent. You cannot be friends with your child. And when I was a babysitter back in the day, I got to play and play and play all day, but as a mom, I have so many more responsibilities that playing is not what I spend the majority of my time doing, not to mention all the unexpected interruptions that happen in the day as well.

Currently, Speed Racer is in a whiny phase. He asks for something, and as if I have not heard him at all, he begins whining, sometimes screaming for his request to be fulfilled at the very moment he has asked for it.  And then, he gets mad, throws a fit, possibly hits anyone in his rampage path.  The last thing in that moment I want to do is give him what he has requested, not because I did not want to give it to him.  No, usually, I do intend to fulfill his request, although, I can rarely do what he desires immediately.  When he begins flailing around, he shows a lack of respect and a lack of trust.  Oddly, I have given him no reason to distrust me in this area.  I have repeatedly told him that he will not get what he wants if he whines, screams, or anything similar.  For the parent / child relationship to be at its best, the child has to give proper respect to the parent or authority.  When he asks sweetly and waits patiently, I want to give him what he asks.

Speed Racer and I are not equals, and he has to place me in my rightful position, and I have to place him in his.  I could give him what he wants, but I would never gain the respect that I deserve as his mom.  Instead, he would continually come to me repeatedly behaving in the same way never learning to submit his requests to me and wait and to trust in whatever I decide.

I have been studying prayer and my relationship to God is very similar.  The first and last aspect of the Lord's prayer are coming to the Father and "hallowing his name."  If I am just coming to God and whining and not respecting Him for who He is and realizing my position before Him, why in the world would He turn his ear toward me?   I am just a mom, and He is God.  If I deserve an inkling of respect as a mother, then He deserves an infinite more amount of respect as we approach Him.

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

How do you like your eggs?  Scrambled, boiled, fried?  Well done or runny?  Hard boiled or soft boiled?  Benedict?  Poached?  In the movie Runaway Bride, one of the things that Richard Gere's character, Ike, finds out about Julia Robert's character, Maggie, is that with every fiance, Maggie decides that she likes her eggs to be cooked the same way as her fiance.  In essence, she and each of her fiances do not really know who she is.  By the end of the movie, she cooks an assortment of eggs and figures out what kind of eggs she likes and begins to grasp a better understanding of who she is. 

When I was a child, fried eggs, sunny side up, over easy, were the type of eggs that my parents frequently cooked for breakfast.  Rarely did we have them any other way, because that was their favorite way to cook and eat eggs.  Occasionally, they boiled them.  Sometimes, they scrambled them.  For a special treat, they scrambled them with cheese.  As a child, I did not really like eggs.  Sometimes, if mom or dad put enough cheese in them or if they were boiled, I might eat them, but my preference was to have no egg.  When I got older, I realized that you could have a well done fried egg, and I couldn't believe that my parent's had not taught me about this.   My parent's tried their best to get me to like the same kind of eggs as them, but a runny egg was then and still is in my opinion a gross egg. 

Sometimes, Daniel and I do this with our kids.  We want our kids to fit into the little mold we've already determined for them - from the type of eggs and foods they like to the kinds of toys we want them to play with.  Yes, as a parent, it is our job to get our kids to try new things, but it is also our job to get them to be the best they can be.  Most of the time that means accepting them for who they are and guiding them to be God's best while still being themselves.

When I was just starting out as a new mom, I thought that parenting was more about getting my child to do as I say.  Only 5 years later, and I have found getting my kids to do as I say is a very minor part of parenting.  (I'm sure I'll have to eat my words as I am still a new mom.)  When I had Princess, I followed the BabyWise books, and if she cried and I didn't know why she was crying, I just dealt with it and let her cry.  I did not try to figure it out, and this made becoming a new mom stressful.  I was trying to bond with Princess and so many people wanted to see and hold her.  She could be in the same room with me, and I would miss her because so many people wanted to hold her.  I had no idea how I was to react to any of it.  Being a people pleaser, it was hard for me to set up boundaries.  I found it baffling when other moms would expect me to know my baby and why she was crying because I did not always know why.  I was very green and clueless at first.  Though I had babysat, I never babysat babies, so I had little experience with them.  With each subsequent baby, I got better at baby communication and at understanding each one's needs.  DoodleBug has been supremely easy and pleasant, but I learned early on the way she liked to be held, to sleep, to lay in her bed.  When others held her and she fussed, I knew why.  She has rarely had to cry it out and has very little reason to distrust us (from a baby's point of view) because I have known her better as a baby.  She looks at me, grabs and kisses me, and trusts me completely.  Only time will tell if I can keep it going.

The big kids both frustrate me and please me because they each have their own identity, and though they want to please Daniel and I both, they are strong in voicing their identity and what they like.  As the mom, it is my job to investigate like a detective what makes each one tick.  The more I have attempted to get to know my children, the more my relationship with each of them has grown better.  Sometimes, this has meant that I have had to change my approach in disciplining them.

When it comes to God, He knows everything about us.  He created us and He does not have to work at figuring us out.  He knows how I like my eggs, what makes me happy or sad, and what my deepest and darkest thoughts are.  There is a freedom in that.  You can come to God and simply be, and He accepts you and understands you as you are.  As Anne of Green Gables says, "There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting." I don't have to be frustrated because He doesn't "get" me or because I have to be one of the many Jamie's - no, He gets all of me.  He knows I like my eggs occasionally scrambled, always well done, and sometimes poached.

God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
   I'm an open book to you;
      even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
   You know when I leave and when I get back;
      I'm never out of your sight.
   You know everything I'm going to say
      before I start the first sentence.
   I look behind me and you're there,
      then up ahead and you're there, too—
      your reassuring presence, coming and going.
   This is too much, too wonderful—
      I can't take it all in! 

Psalm 139:1-6 (the Message)

Maybe tetanus would be better

Just a snapshot of a moment in time for you today.

This morning I cut my finger on my washing machine.  I've had my machine a little over 10 years and the paint on the lid has peeled off the inside rim and the metal has rusted.

My two big kids were in school today, but while they were there, I proceeded to do more laundry, and I forgot about my finger until about 40 minutes before I was to go pick them up.

So I called my nurse:

Me:  I cut my finger on some rusty metal - do I need a tetanus shot?
Nurse: yes, and the doctor will need to examine your finger too.
Me:  ummmm, okay, can he see me like right now?
Nurse:  How about 2:10?

Me (mentally) - okay, but it'll be me and my whole family.  Are you sure I really need the shot?
Me (actually):  okay.

I go pick up my kids.  They are hungry, so I get some juice and apples at the McDonald's down the street from the doctor's office.  I tell them that they are taking me to the doctor because I cut my finger.

Princess:  So we are not going right home?
Me:  No, we are going to the doctor.

We get to the office, exit the car, and enter the office.  Here's what goes down:

I fill out the "I'm here" form, then some other papers, and my kids look at a book.  Then they want me to read it, and that's when I begin to smell the all too familiar odor, coming from my supposedly potty trained children, not from the diapered baby, but from one of them with underpants on.  Great!  I suspect the odor is coming from Princess.

Me (whispering):  Do you need to go poo-poo?  (I am hoping it is not actually poop at this point.)
Princess:  No
Me (whispering):  Do you have poop in your pants?
Princess:  No, but giving me that "I'm guilty" look.
Me (thinking): Let's read the book.

I read the book. 

Me (whispering):  If I look in your pants, what will I find?
Princess:  poop
Me (thinking fast):  Let's go to the car everyone.

To the receptionist:  I'm going to the car, so in case you were going to call me back, you'll know where I've gone.

Luckily for me, I don't trust my Princess not to have accidents and have placed extra clothes in her backpack.  I clean her up and change her and back in we go straight to the bathroom.  At the same time, the nurse is calling me back.  She lets me take the kids into the bathroom first.

Speed Racer:  good - I've gotta go potttttyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I lift him up, but he is already peeing and it is not going into the potty.  Now, although he's tried to tinkle in the potty, he's successfully tinkled on his underpants and pants.  To the exam room we go with wet pants.

Nurse:  Okay, even though you cut your finger on your own washing machine, I'm going to have him look at your finger because sometimes you have to take antibiotics.

She goes out and back in with my shot and gives me the shot.

The doctor comes in:

Doctor:  Did you want me to look at your finger?
Me:  No, but she (the nurse) did.
Me:  But she didn't look at it.
Doctor:  Well, it's good to look at it.
Me:  Okay, here it is.
Doctor:  Here's a band-aid for you.  You can go.

Oh, joyous me, I paid $35 and got a shot for this. 

I call Daniel on the way home.
Me:  You wouldn't even believe our trip to the doctor's office.
Daniel:  Oh yeah, it would've been better to get tetanus!
Me:  Laughing monstrously, why yes, maybe it would have.

BTW, I came home and did the same thing all over again with Speed Racer with an almost poopy pants situation.  I keep a poop chart because the children get constipated easily, and yet, this still happens sometimes.  Despite my best efforts to prevent it, it's especially worse after school starts and I don't know if, when, and where they are going and how they are drinking.

Cleaning the Cabinets

If you've been reading this blog for very long, you know God seems to speak to me while I'm cleaning.  Ha Ha.

Actually, I know I haven't been blogging very much lately.  I think Daniel has given up on the idea that I write blogs, but I digress.  I guess having a baby, two "big kids," dieting, exercising, and all that entails has kept me busy lately.  I'm just not one of those gals who can do it all and eat her cake too.  So I hope you'll come back and visit because in time, hopefully, I will be back to blogging more regularly.

When do you clean the outside of your cabinets?  When do you clean the inside of your cabinets?

Earlier today I was cleaning the outside of my cabinets.  I've been noticing for quite a while how dirty they were, but I had not gotten around to cleaning them, and I don't have a schedule for cleaning them.  I just knew they were dirty.  So after I cleaned the sink, I looked around and found my next job.  As I was cleaning, God began whispering.  Have you ever noticed a sink, a house, a cabinet that stays perfectly clean after the cleaning is complete? 

In my mind I was conversing with myself about how I often take care of the inside before I take of the outside.  I began to hope that I could say the same thing about ME.  I hope that I have a clean heart before I have a clean outward appearance.  "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)  I'm not a real girly girl in the sense that I do not look outwardly pretty and well kept all of the time.  And when I do, I can get it done in a matter of a few minutes.  I like to dress and look nice, but that doesn't mean that I do it often.  My hair is not always fixed and make up is not usually worn.  And it's not because I'm lazy, though I'm sure laziness is a factor sometimes.  It is just because I don't care as much about my outward appearance.  Lately, though I've given it more thought.  Dieting and exercising have caused changes in my outward appearance.  And I'm getting older and I really need to put on make up regularly.  I guess you could say that I am learning to take care of the whole me, which includes making new things part of my regular routine - things like walking and wearing make up.

Anyhow, in the midst of all this silliness, I was cleaning the cabinets...
God spoke and He said,

"You are like this cabinet or a house or a sink. You get dirty on the outside and you have to be cleaned out on the inside."  Even a house that sits empty gets dirty both on the outside and the inside.  And to be really clean, my cabinets need to be replaced with new ones.  (We plan to paint them instead.) 

Again God said,

"I make all things new."  (Rev 21:4)

He has made me new both inside and out, but as much as I have to clean, he continues to make me new, cleaning me daily, hourly, minute by minute, and second by second, into a new creation.

My part?

Offering myself as a living sacrifice.  Surrendering every aspect of me to him for His control and desires.  Not confirming to the world.  (Rom 12:1-2) I've gotta be still and let Him clean me outwardly and rearrange inwardly and throw the old things away.

The Biggest Loser

To give you a running update:  it is hard.  It is not easy.  Sometimes, I just plain do not want to do it.  I already bled all over my first pair of shoes, which I suppose I will have to throw away.  I got another pair of shoes and kept on walking/running.  In a week, I logged 5 hours 45 minutes of work out time, most of which was walking.  If you don't know me, this is like amazing.  I've never worked out much in my entire life.  In the process, I managed to hurt my knee, then my other knee began hurting.  And my toes go numb when I walk/run, so I've gotta it going on.  *sigh*  No pain, no gain, or in this case, no pain, no loss.

I joined the faithfully fit bible study on Wed nights at church, and this week, I was the biggest loser, losing 4.7 pounds.  I also lost an inch.  Yay me!  My workout buddy lost 4.5 pounds too. Yay, friend!  My scales at home said I'd lost only 3.5 lbs, which I think is more accurate.

My first pair of running shoes

First Day of School

Princess and Speed Racer started school on Tuesday.  Princess goes 4 days, and Speed Racer goes 2 days.  He was supposed to go 3, but there was a mix up between me and the school, making in my opinion, both of us at fault for this mishap.  Speed Racer did not much care for Wednesday when Princess went and he did not, but we had mommy / Speed Racer time and went to the library as well.  After some explanation on my part, he said, "I go this many" holding up two fingers.  Today, he came running into our room yelling, "I wanna go THIS many" holding up three fingers.  We are hoping that he is able to go to three days in the future, but we've chosen to believe that God has placed him in his 2 day class for some reason unbeknownst to us. 

These little faces might be only loved by us, but they are our kids, and we love them fiercely no matter what.  I was chosen to be their mommy, and it is my honor to get to do it no matter what anyone says of them or thinks of me.  For the life of me, I don't know why anyone wouldn't feel the same way.  Look at their adorable faces.

Princess and Speed Racer excited to go to school

Speed Racer's first day of 3K

Princess excited to start 4K

As Princess says, you've gotta get one with our backpacks, mom.

If I could, I would...

Working from this post from Living Proof, if I could, I would...

1.  write books and make money from them.
2.  homeschool my children.
3.  go on a vacation at least once a year to a new place.
4.  spend more one on one time with my husband and children.
5.  Travel overseas.
6.  Enter a cooking contest and place.
7.  Own my own business - like handcrafted knitted/crocheted items or a bakery.
8.  Disciple someone regularly.
9.  share Christ more often.

The End of Summer

I'm having a sad day today.  It's the last day of summer.  On Tuesday, Princess starts back to preschool and Speed Racer starts preschool for the first time.  Next year, Princess will be starting Kindergarten, and I am already mourning this.  I hate it so bad.  It's a year away and I am already a crying fool, I can only imagine the heartache I will feel on the first day of Kindergarten.  It is days like today I feel so lonely and lost as a mother.  Into your hands, Lord.

I'm Gonna Do What?

As far as weight loss goes, since I posted on it, I hit a plateau and fell of the diet and exercise wagon.  So, I am getting back on the wagon, counting points and calories again and I am going to sign up for the Race for the Cure 5k in October.  My goal is to attempt to run it.  This is a very lofty goal considering I have never been a runner.  However, I am following a training plan, have training buddies, and whether I walk or run I am doing the 5k.  Plateau, you shall go away!

Looking Back

My blog is over 2 years old now. I think I have changed somewhat in 2 years.  But it is probably unnoticeable to anyone but me.  I was emotionally weak, had a very difficult season in parenting, felt friendless and lonely, struggled with relationships, wanted to be recognized or noticed by someone on the old blogosphere or world wide web, and frankly did not feel very much like me, like the me God intended me to be.  This blog helped me to give my struggles and my weaknesses to God, to search out things that I made myself numb to and to begin feeling again.  I wrote deeply personal things that I often second guessed about because 1) it was therapeutic to do so, and 2) I felt like I was supposed to write that way as a living sacrifice hoping that someone would get something out of even a life as worthless as mine.

The funny thing is that even though I felt worthless, I acted as though I was valued, and God showed me I was.  I'm a princess, and I didn't even know it.
I was weak and broken, but He was my strength.  I was made whole in Him.  Through pride, I wanted to be noticed.  In humility, I was not, but then again somewhere along the way more and more people began reading my blog.  This was both gratifying and debilitating as a blogger.
I remembered that I had a friend and Jesus was it.  I am never alone.  In the process, a broken friendship was healed and new friendships were made with people I could not imagine would ever accept me.  I don't have a great bosom friendship that I had in college - I have accepted that this is not the season of life for that.  I am happier for accepting this.  I have learned how to accept the different life seasons and still try to be satisfied.
I am more confident as a parent.  God has shown me that I am "free to be me."  I am less fearful as a mom.  I've learned to laugh and not take parenting so seriously all the time.
I've learned how to pray and how to pray for my children.
Most of all, I became satisfied with the great, not just good, gifts God has given me - three beautiful children and a fabulous husband.  I am not a Proverbs 31 woman, but I have a Proverbs 31:28 life.  Is my life perfect now?  Far from it.  But I feel so blessed, and I am stand in awe and amazement in the wondrous works God has done in me here.
I cannot believe all of the personal details I have shared with you, and I don't know if any life has been changed or touched other than my own, but thank you for reading and I hope God is seen despite all of the me I've shared.  To Him forever be the Glory,
Amen and Amen!

35

Annoying

I've been told that music on websites is annoying, so now you don't have to listen to my annoying music anymore. ;)

One fell off and bumped his head

The Friday before last, we decided to have a family night out at Chick-Fil-A.  We had not been there in a while at a time when the kids could play in the play area, so we decided to go, eat, and let them play, which is exactly what we did.  They ate, then they went to the playroom to play.  Princess came back out - she was the only big kid that day and the little kids were calling her a monster.  I jokingly told her to go back in and scare them.  She tried that and shortly came back out.  We never trade in the kid's meal toys for ice cream, but this day I thought we would try it.  Daniel was watching him from behind the glass - this particular CFA has a great view of the playground.  Princess and I had gotten ice cream, when Speed Racer comes screaming out of the playroom, "Mommy, I hurt myself!  Daddy!  Daddy!  Mommy, I hurt myself!"  . I begin to look at him.  He is crying harder and more than usual.  He is very whiny right now, but this was more than his usual whinyness.  I move his bangs and see a giant knot on his head which makes me want to lose all of my food.  I look at Daniel and tell him that we have to go to the hospital.  He is already getting Princess up and out.  I get Speed Racer's shoes and then attempt to throw some food away and then say to myself never mind.  So we get in the car and off we go to the after hours care.  Once we leave, I begin to call the after hours nurse to see what to do.  We keep driving to the after hours clinic.  I feel super sick.  We get to after hours.  Speed Racer does not want to go in.  We do.  The nurse finally calls me back and says that unless it is 2 inches across, the knot is not big enough to come in for.  So, she gives me some instructions to do to check for a concussion and then we head home.

We do not have pics of the knot when he first received it, but this is what he looked like as it has continued to heal:

Monday after the accident he begins to get a black eye.

Closer view

Tuesday after accident - he begins to get a 2nd black eye

Yes, it has looked a whole lot worse before it got better, and yes, I've gotten a lot of strange looks.

Conversation in the Dark

Mr. Speed Racer has been difficult at bedtime lately - as in he does not want to go to sleep.  You know sometimes you are so close to the problem that you don't even notice it anymore?  Well that was us a few weeks ago.  I'm not sure what happened - I guess I found him out of bed one too many times, but we began to fix the problem.  I decided to sit outside the kid's bedroom (he shares a room with Princess) to ensure we did not find Speed Racer playing in the bathroom later or who knows what else.  This is the conversation I overheard about the darkness one day this week (I especially liked Princess's response):

Speed Racer:  I need the door opened.
I close the door in attempt to keep him in the room.
Speed Racer:  Tell mommy you need the door opened.
Me:  No, you talk to mommy.
Speed Racer:  Mommy, I afraid of the darkness.
Me:  Okay, go lay down.  {I crack the door open to give him some light.}
Princess (an 80 year old in a 4 year old's body):  Speed Racer, I remember when I was afraid of the darkness.  You just have to love your bed, and hug it, and snuggle in it, and then you won't be afraid of the darkness and then you will be able to sleep.
Speed Racer:  Okay.

We've since bought a low light nightlight to go in the bedroom, which has helped.  We've always had a bedtime routine which we always try to stick to (bible story, prayers, kisses), and now I make sure he goes to the potty once again, has his blankie, his special toy for sleeping with, and then I wait at the door while they settle down.  It seems to be working.  Plus, I have to be particular about how long we sleeps for naptime.

The Coconut Cake...

The finished cake

I completed the cake.  The frosting was yummy, and it actually looks okay besides being a little crooked.  It is a three layer cake. 

Thank you for those of you who offered me different recipes.  Had I had time and the appropriate ingredients, I would have tried them out.

The Birthday Cake Debacle of 2010

Every year for Daniel's birthday, I make a from scratch cake in whatever cake flavor Daniel desires. The first year, it was a lemon cake. It did not turn out so great, but okay for a first attempt. I am a baker, but NOT a cake decorator, so it was not pretty. The following years I've made a tunnel of fudge cake, a chocolate cake, a banana cake with chocolate frosting (not a birthday cake), cupcakes of various flavors (some times I actually used a mix for these), and this year, the requested flavor was left up to me. I called out different flavors as I looked at recipes and Daniel responded to coconut, so coconut is what I tried today. I used Paula Deen's recipe off of the food network, but after two attempts, my cake did not look like Paula's, and I followed the recipe to a T both times. Regardless the cake fell in the middle both times and if the oven was bumped, it was not by me because I was nursing the baby during the cooking process both times.  I only opened the oven after the alloted time for baking was completed., so I just don't know what I did wrong!

Here's what the cake looked like after the first attempt.  If I were to trim the cake down to the flat level, well, pancake is about all that would be left.  I attempted to layer it with the "filling" on each layer.  With this attempt, I used all purpose flour and added the appropriate amount of baking powder and salt to make self rising flour as called for in the recipe.

First attempt at coconut cake (with Paula's filling on it)

Speed Racer liking the way it tastes even if it looks funny

For the second attempt I used smaller cake pans and self rising flour, just in case I had old baking powder or took the wrong measurements.  But again, the cake did not rise appropriately in the middle.  However, I think I have salvaged it by using some Jamie methods that I am sure would not be acceptable in any other bakery or by a professional.  I am letting it sit with the filling on it overnight and will frost it tomorrow.  Look for a picture of the completed cake tomorrow or later in the week if it turns out okay.

What my kitchen sink looked like after attempting to bake 2 from scratch cakes.
The other half was already washing in the dishwasher.