Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Looking Back

My blog is over 2 years old now. I think I have changed somewhat in 2 years.  But it is probably unnoticeable to anyone but me.  I was emotionally weak, had a very difficult season in parenting, felt friendless and lonely, struggled with relationships, wanted to be recognized or noticed by someone on the old blogosphere or world wide web, and frankly did not feel very much like me, like the me God intended me to be.  This blog helped me to give my struggles and my weaknesses to God, to search out things that I made myself numb to and to begin feeling again.  I wrote deeply personal things that I often second guessed about because 1) it was therapeutic to do so, and 2) I felt like I was supposed to write that way as a living sacrifice hoping that someone would get something out of even a life as worthless as mine.

The funny thing is that even though I felt worthless, I acted as though I was valued, and God showed me I was.  I'm a princess, and I didn't even know it.
I was weak and broken, but He was my strength.  I was made whole in HimThrough pride, I wanted to be noticed.  In humility, I was not, but then again somewhere along the way more and more people began reading my blog.  This was both gratifying and debilitating as a blogger.
I remembered that I had a friend and Jesus was it.  I am never alone.  In the process, a broken friendship was healed and new friendships were made with people I could not imagine would ever accept me.  I don't have a great bosom friendship that I had in college - I have accepted that this is not the season of life for that.  I am happier for accepting this.  I have learned how to accept the different life seasons and still try to be satisfied.
I am more confident as a parent.  God has shown me that I am "free to be me."  I am less fearful as a mom.  I've learned to laugh and not take parenting so seriously all the time.
I've learned how to pray and how to pray for my children.
Most of all, I became satisfied with the great, not just good, gifts God has given me - three beautiful children and a fabulous husband.  I am not a Proverbs 31 woman, but I have a Proverbs 31:28 life.  Is my life perfect now?  Far from it.  But I feel so blessed, and I am stand in awe and amazement in the wondrous works God has done in me here.
I cannot believe all of the personal details I have shared with you, and I don't know if any life has been changed or touched other than my own, but thank you for reading and I hope God is seen despite all of the me I've shared.  To Him forever be the Glory,
Amen and Amen!

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