Looking Back

My blog is over 2 years old now. I think I have changed somewhat in 2 years.  But it is probably unnoticeable to anyone but me.  I was emotionally weak, had a very difficult season in parenting, felt friendless and lonely, struggled with relationships, wanted to be recognized or noticed by someone on the old blogosphere or world wide web, and frankly did not feel very much like me, like the me God intended me to be.  This blog helped me to give my struggles and my weaknesses to God, to search out things that I made myself numb to and to begin feeling again.  I wrote deeply personal things that I often second guessed about because 1) it was therapeutic to do so, and 2) I felt like I was supposed to write that way as a living sacrifice hoping that someone would get something out of even a life as worthless as mine.

The funny thing is that even though I felt worthless, I acted as though I was valued, and God showed me I was.  I'm a princess, and I didn't even know it.
I was weak and broken, but He was my strength.  I was made whole in Him.  Through pride, I wanted to be noticed.  In humility, I was not, but then again somewhere along the way more and more people began reading my blog.  This was both gratifying and debilitating as a blogger.
I remembered that I had a friend and Jesus was it.  I am never alone.  In the process, a broken friendship was healed and new friendships were made with people I could not imagine would ever accept me.  I don't have a great bosom friendship that I had in college - I have accepted that this is not the season of life for that.  I am happier for accepting this.  I have learned how to accept the different life seasons and still try to be satisfied.
I am more confident as a parent.  God has shown me that I am "free to be me."  I am less fearful as a mom.  I've learned to laugh and not take parenting so seriously all the time.
I've learned how to pray and how to pray for my children.
Most of all, I became satisfied with the great, not just good, gifts God has given me - three beautiful children and a fabulous husband.  I am not a Proverbs 31 woman, but I have a Proverbs 31:28 life.  Is my life perfect now?  Far from it.  But I feel so blessed, and I am stand in awe and amazement in the wondrous works God has done in me here.
I cannot believe all of the personal details I have shared with you, and I don't know if any life has been changed or touched other than my own, but thank you for reading and I hope God is seen despite all of the me I've shared.  To Him forever be the Glory,
Amen and Amen!

35

Annoying

I've been told that music on websites is annoying, so now you don't have to listen to my annoying music anymore. ;)

One fell off and bumped his head

The Friday before last, we decided to have a family night out at Chick-Fil-A.  We had not been there in a while at a time when the kids could play in the play area, so we decided to go, eat, and let them play, which is exactly what we did.  They ate, then they went to the playroom to play.  Princess came back out - she was the only big kid that day and the little kids were calling her a monster.  I jokingly told her to go back in and scare them.  She tried that and shortly came back out.  We never trade in the kid's meal toys for ice cream, but this day I thought we would try it.  Daniel was watching him from behind the glass - this particular CFA has a great view of the playground.  Princess and I had gotten ice cream, when Speed Racer comes screaming out of the playroom, "Mommy, I hurt myself!  Daddy!  Daddy!  Mommy, I hurt myself!"  . I begin to look at him.  He is crying harder and more than usual.  He is very whiny right now, but this was more than his usual whinyness.  I move his bangs and see a giant knot on his head which makes me want to lose all of my food.  I look at Daniel and tell him that we have to go to the hospital.  He is already getting Princess up and out.  I get Speed Racer's shoes and then attempt to throw some food away and then say to myself never mind.  So we get in the car and off we go to the after hours care.  Once we leave, I begin to call the after hours nurse to see what to do.  We keep driving to the after hours clinic.  I feel super sick.  We get to after hours.  Speed Racer does not want to go in.  We do.  The nurse finally calls me back and says that unless it is 2 inches across, the knot is not big enough to come in for.  So, she gives me some instructions to do to check for a concussion and then we head home.

We do not have pics of the knot when he first received it, but this is what he looked like as it has continued to heal:

Monday after the accident he begins to get a black eye.

Closer view

Tuesday after accident - he begins to get a 2nd black eye

Yes, it has looked a whole lot worse before it got better, and yes, I've gotten a lot of strange looks.

Conversation in the Dark

Mr. Speed Racer has been difficult at bedtime lately - as in he does not want to go to sleep.  You know sometimes you are so close to the problem that you don't even notice it anymore?  Well that was us a few weeks ago.  I'm not sure what happened - I guess I found him out of bed one too many times, but we began to fix the problem.  I decided to sit outside the kid's bedroom (he shares a room with Princess) to ensure we did not find Speed Racer playing in the bathroom later or who knows what else.  This is the conversation I overheard about the darkness one day this week (I especially liked Princess's response):

Speed Racer:  I need the door opened.
I close the door in attempt to keep him in the room.
Speed Racer:  Tell mommy you need the door opened.
Me:  No, you talk to mommy.
Speed Racer:  Mommy, I afraid of the darkness.
Me:  Okay, go lay down.  {I crack the door open to give him some light.}
Princess (an 80 year old in a 4 year old's body):  Speed Racer, I remember when I was afraid of the darkness.  You just have to love your bed, and hug it, and snuggle in it, and then you won't be afraid of the darkness and then you will be able to sleep.
Speed Racer:  Okay.

We've since bought a low light nightlight to go in the bedroom, which has helped.  We've always had a bedtime routine which we always try to stick to (bible story, prayers, kisses), and now I make sure he goes to the potty once again, has his blankie, his special toy for sleeping with, and then I wait at the door while they settle down.  It seems to be working.  Plus, I have to be particular about how long we sleeps for naptime.

The Coconut Cake...

The finished cake

I completed the cake.  The frosting was yummy, and it actually looks okay besides being a little crooked.  It is a three layer cake. 

Thank you for those of you who offered me different recipes.  Had I had time and the appropriate ingredients, I would have tried them out.

The Birthday Cake Debacle of 2010

Every year for Daniel's birthday, I make a from scratch cake in whatever cake flavor Daniel desires. The first year, it was a lemon cake. It did not turn out so great, but okay for a first attempt. I am a baker, but NOT a cake decorator, so it was not pretty. The following years I've made a tunnel of fudge cake, a chocolate cake, a banana cake with chocolate frosting (not a birthday cake), cupcakes of various flavors (some times I actually used a mix for these), and this year, the requested flavor was left up to me. I called out different flavors as I looked at recipes and Daniel responded to coconut, so coconut is what I tried today. I used Paula Deen's recipe off of the food network, but after two attempts, my cake did not look like Paula's, and I followed the recipe to a T both times. Regardless the cake fell in the middle both times and if the oven was bumped, it was not by me because I was nursing the baby during the cooking process both times.  I only opened the oven after the alloted time for baking was completed., so I just don't know what I did wrong!

Here's what the cake looked like after the first attempt.  If I were to trim the cake down to the flat level, well, pancake is about all that would be left.  I attempted to layer it with the "filling" on each layer.  With this attempt, I used all purpose flour and added the appropriate amount of baking powder and salt to make self rising flour as called for in the recipe.

First attempt at coconut cake (with Paula's filling on it)

Speed Racer liking the way it tastes even if it looks funny

For the second attempt I used smaller cake pans and self rising flour, just in case I had old baking powder or took the wrong measurements.  But again, the cake did not rise appropriately in the middle.  However, I think I have salvaged it by using some Jamie methods that I am sure would not be acceptable in any other bakery or by a professional.  I am letting it sit with the filling on it overnight and will frost it tomorrow.  Look for a picture of the completed cake tomorrow or later in the week if it turns out okay.

What my kitchen sink looked like after attempting to bake 2 from scratch cakes.
The other half was already washing in the dishwasher.

Technical Difficulties

July 29, 2010, my former laptop officially died. With it were all my babies pictures. Luckily my husband knows people who know things about computers, so with a little help from a work friend, the pictures were recovered. The hard drive was fine, just the screen was not.  SO, now the old computer is a backup hard drive.  And now we have a new computer (because the cost to fix the old one was not cost effective.) Stay tuned for more stories.