Saturday, June 7, 2008

If I could really say anything to the rest of the world

it would be that I am a horrible sinner that totally needs God each and every day. I am so thankful that I know the Lord Jesus Christ and that he has saved me and continues to save me each and every day.

Today we went to Wal-Mart - the whole family, and by golly, going shopping of any kind is down right HARD these days. I came home flustered and frustrated and full of stress. I guess there are seasons with the kids that are harder than others. I am in a hard season right now. E is the best baby, but not when we go shopping. He fusses and squeals and screams. A always has some sort of fit, and well, I actually want to be a parent, so I have to fight the fight, instead of giving into her desires. This is challenging, as it would be so much easier and peaceful (which is something I'm seeking) to just give in. Ah - but it is the lazy way. It is during these times of frustration that I feel so alone, small, and overwhelmed. Alone because I want some help and somewhere to scream it all too all at once and because it is the mom's job to take care of everyone and everything else. Yes, I have my hubby, but I still feel all alone, as if I must do it myself with no help. But, then I am reminded that I am not alone. I have a BIG God to help if I would just be mindful of him. And, I can bare my deepest fears and frustrations to Him - He longs for this. He is a God who cares about my frustrating trips to Wal-Mart, and somehow this gives me the peace that I long for. I can write it down in my blog, and even though no one may ever read it, God sees and knows, and I am comforted by this.

Thank you, O Precious God, for a love so deep and so wide and so long that it covers over everything I ever do or think or desire. Help me to always be mindful of you and place all of me at your feet! In Jesus, Amen and amen!

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