Thursday, December 2, 2010

Biblical Submission and Worship in the Bedroom

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Ephesians 5:21

I have these really great Christian women friends who I get to see once every 3 or 4 months.  They are godly women who sharpen me in my spiritual walk.  Every time I see them, they make me want to go home and have sex with my husband, so I am sure he loves them.  Sound odd?  Let me explain.

I came from a family with a history of sexual sin, from adultery to premarital sex to pornography to lust.  It colored my family so much so that I got a wrong view of sex and men.  Family member's often discouraged marriage, and a lot of that came from the idea that men could not be tamed in the area of sexual temptations.  Even my dad would say, "He is just an old boy."  In my mind's eye, sex was a bad thing.  Yet I know that in God's perspective, it is good.  However, it is created to be shared within the context of marriage.  God is a good God - He has given us rules and procedures for our own good, not because He wants to punish us or enslave us to the rules, but because He wants to set us free.  The church does not regularly talk about sex, and even though my mother attempted to teach me about the beauty of sex, I got most of my thoughts on sex from the world.

Mentally here's what sex looked like (and if I think worldly thoughts, it still does):
  • vile
  • gross
  • objectifying
  • dirty
  • driven by animal instinct and desire
  • perverted
  • corrupt
  • about the man's fulfillment
In my mind none of these things made it a physical expression of love.  I had been exposed to things that made me feel that way about sex.  And the people in my life only seemed to prove it to be true.

So back to my women friends.  When I saw them one of them was talking about wearing her boots.  She said currently she has changed from the pursued to the pursuer in the bedroom, so sometimes she puts her boots on to set the mood for her husband.  She mentioned that she thought it was kind of mean of God to make men and women have different desires at different stages of life.  Sex has always been one of those things that I could not mentally grasp and had grappled with on the God front, so I agreed with her.  One of the other women there beautifully answered her that no it wasn't - it was about God teaching us about submitting to one another.  I don't know that I had given submission much thought in regards to sex.  When my man comes calling and I'm too tired, I'm too tired.  I began to think about Romans 12:1 and what it means in regard to sex.

"Therefore, I urge you, brethren, in view of God's mercy, offer yourselves as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship."  Romans 12:1

Unlike many women, I do not have a regular "need" for sex.  In my own selfish world I could go on without it, but I am a wife - I cannot go on without it.  I decided that the next time I was too tired I was going to offer myself as a sacrifice, not just try to fulfill an obligation as a wife, but be prepared to love my husband physically even though I may have already given all of myself throughout the course of a day doing motherly things.  I would give what I didn't think I could give because that alone would be a picture of Christ and a true form of worship.  And that I think is what makes sex pure and good.

In the mean time, the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy my mindset and keep me enslaved to the world's thoughts about sex.  I began to believe the lies again.  But the women friends and I were talking sex on facebook and truth started slipping back in.  

My husband and I had become separated, sad, mad, and angry with one another.  We were totally separated and not one.  Sex was the last thing I wanted to do, but I wanted to bring us back together and make us one.  I prayed.  I asked a friend to pray although she had no idea what for (maybe now she does?).  I knew I was to be Abraham offering my Isaac (myself) on the altar, and I wanted to be willing.  I knew that God would not promise me a sacrifice to offer in the thicket - I would be the sacrifice, so I knew I must be willing, or all my attempts to physically love my husband would go sour.  In that moment, sex was a beautiful expression of love and worship both of my man and my God.  

I can see why Satan uses it so often to corrupt.  It is intended to portray a beautiful picture between God and man, as is marriage.  If you struggle with sex, with thoughts about sex, with not wanting to be with your husband, the following websites give good resources about the biblical purpose of sex and practical tips for you and your husband (these sites are only intended for married couples):


  1. Love it. And not for the reasons you think -- I love it just for the boldness of the truth you proclaim. Rich Mullins discussed a similiar thought--how God smiles when his (married) children are intimate with each other, and how that makes some of us uncomfortable to think about...

  2. Thank yall for being so bold as to publicly leave a comment on this post. :)

  3. Thanks Jamie! You know my family history too and your post is very encouraging. I was confused about sex for a long time (and still am at times), but I am greatful for you and the women in our group discussing this. Love you!


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