I'm Learning

Last week when the A/C was still out, we visited my mom's house and hung out at her pool a lot. Once again, I learned something. I happened to be sitting out of the pool at this particular time, and my daughter wanted to jump into the pool. Pea had already been jumping in, so she wanted to do it too. And, she wanted to do it BY HERSELF. You know how that goes - they are so jealous of one another, so they have to try to one up the other one. Anyhow, she wanted to do it by herself, but she lacked the follow-through confidence to make it off of the ledge without hurting herself when she jumped. The first time her back hit the wall. The second time her bottom hit the wall. So I said, "Okay, you can't do that anymore." She got in one of her moods and sat down angrily on the edge of the pool. Since I was really a sideline viewer and not an actual participant of the drama, I realized what I had done, which I so often do. I kicked her confidence when it was already low. Of course, what I intended to say was that you need to stop and either jump farther or hold Nana's hand to learn how to jump farther, but that's not the first thing that came out.

My daughter is a lot like me - very sensitive to others, and she really wants to do it right the first time, or she feels like a failure. And of course, as a child, she is still learning how to be confident and do things even when she might mess up at first. The difference between us is that as a child, I did not have an outlet to voice my fears or failures, and as such, I struggled with insecurity and low self esteem for a long time (still do at times). I was taught to stuff my thoughts inside and not to have emotions. My fear is that I will make my daughter into me. So, even though, sometimes there are a lot of emotional fits and tantrums which are unpleasant, I am hoping my daughter has a voice and can learn to talk about these things in a healthy way.

I gave her a few moments to cool off, and then I said, "I'm sorry, Princess." She said in a small voice, "That's okay, Mommy." Then she got up and tried again and had a lot of fun.

Ephesians 6:4 says, "Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Lord, help me to parent so as not to provoke to anger. Help me to see my children through your eyes that I might encourage when encouragement is needed and instruct when instruction is needed.