Sunday, February 14, 2010

Pregnancy Woes

I would have to say that this pregnancy has been definitely the most difficult of all the pregnancies, though with every pregnancy, I have been a little more loony than I am usually. The truth is, however, that I am more loony than I would like to be or would at times like others to know about me. So many people depend on me to hold it together that I don't often feel like I get to be loony, but in pregnancy, the loon just comes out anyway.

Most of the difficulty has been emotionally. For example, I really hate having the kids spend the night away from home when I am pregnant. I guess it's because I know life will change soon, and I am jealous of every moment I have with them as it is now, even if I don't always take advantage of every opportunity as I should. Today, my mom took my daughter home with her, which in one minute I was fine with and in the next minute I was sad and jealous of this - jealous because I rarely have time alone with my daughter. There is no rhyme or reason to what might set me off emotionally. But luckily, I worked through this fairly quickly.

Lately, pregnancy has become more physically challenging. Though from a physical standpoint, I do not like to complain because I always imagine somebody has had it worse. I do probably suffer from most of the normal pregnancy complaints, though I don't really want to list them out for you here. I have one physical ailment that is very painful, and I am getting tired and sluggish, while at the same time finding more and more that needs to be organized. I am nesting and trying to get everything ready, which also shows my emotional nutty side because when I get an idea in my mind, I want it done like today, asap. The truth is, with small children, the house is not going to have everything perfectly organized. I have made great progress with decluttering and minimalizing our house, but if I get emotional, all I can see is what else needs to be done, not what has been done.

I delivered Princess via c-section and Speed Racer via vbac (vaginal birth after cesarean), so please pray that God will guide us clearly in the delivery of sweet baby #3, who has a name now, by the way, just not a blog nickname.

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