Out of the Storm

Well, I took another blogging hiatus. Did you miss me? I missed you a little bit. ;)

I was in the midst of the storm of indecision about having more children and about where and when to go on a mission trip. Complex feelings toward the parenting of the two children I already have complicated my thoughts. And, I was comtemplating relationships about people that I just could not publicly blog about (not my husband or kids). So, I just needed to sit and be quiet and allow Him to work instead of publicly sharing my very complicated thoughts, and it really was a matter of not being able to publicly share some things God was working in me.

So here I am out of the storm in a place of peace. We have decided to take our family to Vail, Arizona, on a mission trip this summer in July before Pea's birthday. The other alternative was that I go to Peru by myself. I was afraid that even though I said yes to God, He was going to say no anyway. I believe my heart's desire was His desire too though. It is very scary to make such a decision with small children, considering that Princess is very disagreeable and Pea is wild and crazy. However, it is a faith decision. I know that I am weak as a parent, and I am hoping that God's strength is displayed in my weakness and that God's power is seen in every thing we do because honestly, I fear just going to babysit my kids. I asked God to specifically speak to me and He at first gave me, Psalm 28:1, to pray to Him. Since I have been in a place where I felt He was deaf to me, this Word alone from Him was a great encouragement, showing me that He did indeed intend to speak. Shortly after that, He directed me to another Scripture and I was a little uncertain of its message to me and feel that I will completely understand it after I go to Arizona with my family.

And another storm I mentioned was my parenting of my children. Princess has been such a challenge for so long that I was beginning to lose hope. I felt and still at times feel discouraged and hopeless. But I just submitted my cry to the only one who could help me - the Great Jehovah. Now, Princess is still strong willed and I am sure I will still lose it from time to time, but the great encourager spoke and I listened. This time He gave me Psalm 32:8-11. This word of instruction is to me and for my daughter too. He also directed me all over the bible and to other resources. The Ultimate Parent told me how to parent his daughter, my daughter, my Princess, in the way she needs parenting. So, most of all now I have confidence. I am her mother because I am capable of being her mother. I am her best earthly mother despite my humanity. Ultimately, God is the very best parent when I am unable to be the best and if He is guiding me, well, who can go wrong? If God is for me, who can be against me? (Romans 8:31)

So in finding peace in being a mother, I found peace in being a mother to additional children if God so blesses in that way. Being in a place of peace is right where I want to be - safe in the Father's arms.

Broken in Las Vegas

So I have done several touristy things, but I have also been broken in many ways for the lost people here. This morning, I got up and went to see a live taping of The View. Then I went to the pool to people watch and semi-sunbathe. :) Then I went to lunch with my new Indian friend Sakthi. She just got married to Daniel's coworker, Mahendra. It is so strange to me - an arranged marriage. In Jamie-fashion, I've already found out why she eats meat and he does not. He believes it is a sin and she does not. They are Hindu. And, I cannot remember the city in which she is from, but it is not illegal to be a Christian there.

I prayed for the time I would spend with Sakthi before I left, but it wasn't a whole lot - I hope my Jesus was represented nonetheless. I am intrugued by her and Mehendra and the whole arranged marriage thing. It seems neat really.

Okay, so as I'm finishing this blog, I am already home again. Yes, I was broken by the people in Las Vegas, but the world is lost everywhere. I guess I was struck by the men giving away the tiniest of brochures about nude women you could have in minutes. The "brochures" were small like giving someone a "tract" with the gospel truth on it. And, I was thinking how much audacity does one have to hand out a brochure to a man with his wife in tow! They were not successful, but attempts were made nonetheless - in the day light, at night, whenever, by men, by women too. At first, I was a little angered, but then I just thought how sad that one feels like they must do this to earn some extra cash! And not only them, but the women secretly out there behind the scenes.

Prostitution is illegal there, but this is really no different to me - T-shirts that read, "Women to you in less than 20 minutes..." It is heart-breaking, especially knowing that our church is going on mission there at the end of the month. Because of this I know that these men and women passing out tracts may represent homeless children that are aided by a program called Surgance. What will our church teach their own children about these things and how to view them? I mean, there are barely dressed men and women posted as soon as you land in the airport, so...

I am just reminded that the mission field is wherever you are, with whoever you are with. So this is just a taste of all that I could write about Las Vegas - I haven't thoroughly thought through a lot of it.