Romance with Kids?

My friend Sarah has been asking me several questions about blogging, and she asked why most mommies blog about kids and parenting instead of marriage. I don't think I have a great answer to that question, but this post is dedicated to her question. I can say that it is not just because my kids have no idea what I am writing about them while my husband does. {In case you are wondering, I only had to edit one sentence before I posted this, and it was not something about Daniel, though he wishes I had more flattering words to say of him. *sigh*}

Neither Daniel nor I are very romantic. I used to be a little romantic, but once I had kids, time and finances have made it more difficult to be very romantic. Most birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays pass with little to no gift for my hubby. Sometimes, not even a card. Honestly, his love language is not gifts, so he probably does not care very much anyhow.

My husband is not a planner. But we are very fortunate to have parents who live close by and for the most part like being with our children, so we get to have a date night every now and then. We've never had a babysitter in our home, though if we could fit this in our budget somewhere, it would do us well. Our parents are not planners either, so we usually have to be flexible and say yes whenever they offer to keep the kids. Usually date nights consist of occasionally taking in a movie or getting dinner or chores at home that are easier to do without children underfoot or some combination of the three. When our kids are at home, most of our date nights consist of just sitting on the couch watching our favorite show, "Lost."

Most of the time, I am comfortable with the arrangement we have. I don't usually notice the lack of effort in the romance department and am content most of the time. Sometimes, however, I do have expectations and they occasionally get dashed like any other person with expectations that are not conveyed well. I am more of a planner myself, but I don't want to be the one making the plans for a romantic getaway. I want hubby to have put some time and thought into our romantic plans because my love language is quality time. As a young mom, this is one reason why I struggle with relationships so much. I don't often have much time for anyone other than my children and making time for others HAS to be purposeful or it will be forgotten. I struggle with this since my family members are less planning oriented. (I'm not a great organized planned person, just slightly more than family are.)

Anyhow, I had suggested to Daniel that we use some free travel points to get away sometime in the month of January before the baby comes. (I was thinking to myself MLK weekend would be good since Daniel has an extra day off). January came and went and no plans were made. So now I find that it is Valentine's weekend. Already I am too far into my third trimester and too pregnant for any sort of romantic getaway, so a romantic getaway is no longer on my radar, but I do want something, some flowers, a card, a date, anything thoughtful really. Heck, a phone call in the middle of the work day or an email might do the trick. {A few weeks ago my Princess gave it away at church that she has never seen her daddy bring her mommy flowers. It's just not really his style.} And I know hubby has no plan. Secretly this frustrates me. He wants me to tell him what I want. The nerve! Shouldn't he just know by now what I want? Haven't I told him numerous times what I like? The truth is I cannot really train a non-planner to plan something and thus give me love through quality time spent planning romance. He'll have to choose this on his own, and I know I need not hold my breath.

So I get up on this Valentine's Eve with him asking me if he should ask his parents to keep our kids. He decides that he will call them, and if they suggest keeping the kids, then we will have a date. This is no surprise to me. No suggestion is made by the grandparents, and so, we plan not to celebrate the big Valentine's Day at this house. No big deal really. I've come to roll with the lack of romantic punches.

However, Grandmaw, Daniel's mom, calls and asks to keep the kids for the day, picking them up for lunch and says she'll keep them for a while and bring them back in the evening, so we can go on a date. So we got to go on a date afterall, which was nice and greatly appreciated. It was our Valentine's/6 year anniversary date. This will probably be our last date before baby girl comes between now and my due date in 8 weeks. We went out to a fairly nice restaurant (nice means we did not have to use a coupon), had a nice meal, including an appetizer and dessert, with a secluded table, so we had some quiet conversation as well. I appreciate this kind of date more than I could ever begin to express.

Although semi-important I guess, our marriage was not founded in romance on the first place. It is only when I think about what I do not have in this department that I become unhappy and wishful, but if romance had been important to me in the beginning, I suppose we would not be married. Our marriage is founded on God, and it was He who brought us together and through Him alone, our love can last.

This means I have to purposefully focus on how Daniel does show me love: handwashing the dishes, cooking dinner from time to time, keeping the cars running, taking the trash out, taking care of outdoor chores, and many more things that I may not always appreciate at the time. And I have to purposefully forget that it sometimes takes him longer to do the things I ask him to do instead of on my time frame. Sometimes (okay maybe more often than sometimes) I am rude because I want to insist on my way, but when I let these situations, they teach me patience, kindness, quiet submissiveness, and how to really love - the kind of love that perseveres. Quiet and gentle submissiveness is not exactly easy when you like a plan and your mate is happy go lucky, so I have to choose to love, choose to respect, choose to submit.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (English Standard Version)

The A/C

has been out for what seems to be a really long time. Yesterday, I had a biopsy, which appears will be good results. I will know for sure in the coming week. But after I got home, my kids were at mom's, and Daniel went back to work, and it was just me and the A/C repairman. He worked, while it got hotter and hotter. It actually got up to 90 degrees in here. Having no one to care for and nothing in particular to do was actually difficult and the raising heat did not make it any better! I watched a movie. I worked puzzles. I put on my swimsuit and went outside (the cooler option). I paced. I did not look at the computer much yesterday. It just seemed too hot to do. Finally after working all day, the A/C began putting out cool air. Praise the Lord for A/C!

The A/C was out for a little over 2 weeks! In the beginning we called a familiar company to come and fix it, but they gave us an estimate of $1600 for one solution and $4000 for the suggested all purpose solution. We said thank you, paid our $85, and began looking for other solutions. Daniel was given the name of a family friend who works on air conditioners, so he decided to call him, even though my sister in law had warned me not to. I followed along with what my hubby had decided. The family friend came out, replaced the part, and lo and behold, the A/C still did not work. Then he came the next day, replaced the unit for free, and lo and behold, the A/C still did not work. He came the very next day to recharge the freon, and still, the A/C did not work. Oh my! Then he decided that the original part had been defective, ordered a new part, and sent someone else out a whole week later.

I was actually very patient although not fully supportive of Daniel's decision to use this man. In the middle of VBS, I was HOT and tired and lost it one night. Okay, not so bad, but not wonderful either. However, when somebody would ask about it, I would tell them the whole megillah (the whole story for those of you who have not studied Beth Moore's Esther). Many women would say things like, "Well, I would not be as patient as you." Despite being somewhat patient and even submissive to my husband's choice, I was still undermining my husband's decision by telling the whole story and my hesitation with his choice. After the first week was over, I began to realize that even though I was being somewhat patient, I had still hurt Daniel by not supporting him 100% in this decision. There was little I could do in the way of taking back my words. No, the damage had been done, and all I could do was really support his decision.

Anyhow, I learned a lot about being Daniel's helpmate in the way of supporting him this week, because I made a bad decision. Some would say he made a bad decision. Maybe he did, but it was his bad decision to learn from, just as I learned from mine. There is more to the story about the fixing of the A/C which includes Daniel doing some of the work himself, but hey, I am one cool momma right now.

Lord, help me to build up my husband and not to tear Him down.

Things I've Heard Today

"Pup, Pup" meaning "cup, cup" by Pea, which is his rather desperate cry said numerous times a day.

"Rarrrr" by Pea when asked what the Lion says. "Chomp" by Pea when asked what the crocodile says as he claps his hands together.

"Mama, when it's my birthday, and I turn 4, I am going to wear these Grandmaw panties." Princess said of some rather large panties given to her by her Grandmaw.

"Pooh is dead. Now, Pooh is risen." Princess

"E____, I love you this much" stretching her arms out as long as they will go. "E_____, I love you right up to the moon and back." Princess

"Mama, I love you and daddy and brother to the sky and back." Princess

Some rather unfortunate things I've heard:
"That's what she said." Thank you, The Office, for allowing this wonderful phrase in my husband's everyday speak. Ugh!

"Crap" said by Princess when daddy tried to stop himself from saying it after she "hopped on pop"ed him. He actually does not say this often, so he says, but she picked up on it anyhow.